I haven’t felt this terribly depressed in my life. I don’t feel well at all. Everything feels so wrong. I feel betrayed and attacked for feeling betrayed. Why did he have to change? I hate this so much and it’s not showing any sign of getting better.
I had my mom call my ex’s mom because I still want my stuff back. My ex called my mom and tried telling her that I already have all my stuff and that I’m just lying and trying to start drama. He was so rude to her and told her not to call his mom again. How could he be so heartless about the whole thing? How could he not understand that he was my LIFE? He’s not the same person I fell in love with. I’m not sure how to process it right now other than a huge crying fit. I know he threw my stuff away anyway, otherwise I’d have it. I’m such a mess without him. I thought I wanted him back but if he’s just trying to snuff out any existence of me by throwing my clothes away then clearly he’s not the one. I got so mad and frustrated that I couldn’t see straight. Everything’s numb again. I hate this feeling. Or non-feeling.
Isn’t it wonderful that guys will put on a show so that they can get into your pants but the second you turn them down they turn into fucking assholes and think you’re the one with a problem?
I really hate telling people that I’m not interested but like people around here are aggressive about wanting to get in my pants or going on a date. It’s too soon to be doing that and no matter how many times I tell them I’m not interested they keep pursuing me. It’s scary to be honest. What if one of them rapes me? I don’t want to think about that. I’d like to think there’s at least one nice guy out there that won’t force sex out of me and will genuinely care for me. But I have yet to run into one.